Loss and Faithfulness

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It’s been months since I have written seriously. Nothing has been posted here, and my journal has been sadly neglected. That is usually a sign that something is wrong. But in this case, I’ve simply needed the quiet to process all that has happened in my life.

There’s been many times during this season when I could not speak for one reason or another. Needed restrictions were placed on me – and I’m grateful.

I’ve learned that sometimes it is good to simply be silent and let the Lord work. Often I speak so much that I cannot hear what God wants to teach me.

Although even now I cannot share much publicly, I believe the Lord would have me start speaking again.

Today, as I was talking with a friend, it struck me how much loss I’ve experienced recently.

I’ve lost a sense of belonging.

I’ve lost friends I loved like family.

I’ve lost mentors.

I’ve lost spiritual leadership.

I’ve lost my reputation with many.

I’ve lost contact with people I love dearly and had invested in.

I’ve lost the security that comes from living a safe and comfortable life.

Needless to say, the last 3 months have been very hard. My life has changed and is changing at a frighteningly fast pace.

I’ve drifted in and out of depression and struggled to see the purpose of God in my suffering. I guess I’ve been experiencing what some would call “a dark night of the soul”.

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But in all of the struggle and all of these changes, I know one thing for certain: God is faithful.

That fact never changes. And that is what I have to bank on.

Paul understood this. I’ve always loved 2 Corinthians 1, but this week I realized that my life is truly written on those pages.

After explaining the joy and bond between believers that comes through suffering and experiencing God’s comfort, Paul gets really personal.

“For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.” (2 Corinthians 1:8-9)

Paul had been mistreated and nearly put to death. But beyond that, he had experienced the heart-burden of living in an angry, fallen world. He knew what it felt like to not be able to breathe, to not have any strength to keep on.

But in that struggle, he could see how God used it.

Paul saw God’s hand leading him to a deeper trust in his Savior.

He could see the hope of a future resurrection where all things would be restored and made new.

He could recognize his own previous self-reliance and his need for God’s help.

I’m grateful for how God has been teaching me the same thing. To truly need God is a blessing.

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Paul continues, with a confident, triumphant tone: “He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.” (2 Corinthians 1:10)

I too have set my hope.

The peril is deadly, but deliverance is coming, and His name is Faithful and True.

Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!